


Always Been There

by orphan_account



Category: All Time Low
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 14:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2585267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack and Alex are best friends. Have been for years. Nothing's going to change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Been There

Alex POV

“Hey, Lex.” Jack grinned at me, walking through the doorway.

“Hey, Jay.” I grinned right back, closing the door and followed Jack upstairs to my bedroom. Jack shrugged off the backpack that had been slung over one shoulder.

“So you finish the English homework? I’ve got the math.” I offered, sitting on his bed with Jack who was sitting crossed legged.

“Yep.” He said, getting out his English and math notebooks. I handed Jack my math notebook and getting Jack’s English in return. Jack scribbled down the work while I skimmed Jack’s notes, decoding the chicken scratch.

“So you think Daisy just wanted money?” questioned I, referring to Jack’s comments on The Great Gatsby.

“I can’t exactly say ‘gold digging bitch’, can I?”

I chuckled and scribbled down the answer. “The dude was a stalker though.” I commented. “Creepy as fuck.”

“Didn’t he keep, like news paper articles about her?” I nodded. “Yeah, that’s fucking creepy.”

When Jack finished copying my work in more or less chicken scratch, he laid down on his stomach, resting his head next to me while I was still trying to decode his handwriting while writing it down. Jack ran his finger along my hipbone. It was a common gesture between us. We were naturally affectionate with one another. That’s just what our friendship was.

“Can I spend the night?” he asked.

“You’re so lazy you can’t get home?” I asked jokingly. “Sure.”

“Good, ‘cause I told my mom I was.” Jack grinned.

…

“I just think you spend way too much time with him.” My girlfriend Tay commented as I searched through my locker for my good pen.

I couldn’t help but snort in response. “I’m spending way too much time with my best friend?”

“It’s just… I don’t know. If you were hanging out with Brian or Tony it wouldn’t be a big deal. Hell, I wouldn’t even care about Jess. But I’m pretty sure Jack is gay.”

I sent her a raised eyebrow. “Uh, as far as I know, he isn’t. And even if he is, that wouldn’t stop me from spending time with him.”

“I just don’t get how you guys are comfortable being all… snuggly.”

I thought about her choice of words. ‘Snuggly.’ I guess that’s what you’d call it. Hell, the night Jack slept over we both slept in my bed. We didn’t cuddle or anything, say for me having my face buried in the crook of Jack’s neck and – success! Found the pen – waking up with Jack’s arm slung around my torso.

I shrugged in response and closed my locker. “That’s just what our friendship is.”

She didn’t look convinced but dropped it when Jack came walking to us with Brian, Jess, Tony, and Tony’s girlfriend Erin.

“Morning lovebirds.” Jack said in a singsong voice. Tay had to get to her own locker on the other side of school, after I kissed her goodbye – ignoring the fake gaging from Jack, Tony, and Brian – I turned to my friends.

“Hey guys.” I smiled.

“I think I as your best friend get a personal greeting.” Jack said with a fake pout.

“Aw, baby you know I love you.” I said, throwing my arms around him and leaving a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“G’off me.” Jack laughed, shrugging me off of him.

I fake pouted. “I thought you liked my kisses.”

I could’ve sworn I heard Jess mutter something under her breath but I wasn’t sure.

“Anyways,” Brian interrupted. “You guys have any fucking clue what ‘The Valley Of Ashes’ means?”

…

“This might be a weird question, but do you think I spend too much time with Jack?”

Tony sent me a confused look from his seat in our biology class. “Uh, no. He’s your best friend. If anything, you don’t enough time with the rest of us.”

“And watch you and Erin make out? No thanks, I’d rather keep my lunch down.”

Tony rolled his eyes but instead of coming up with a witty retort, he said, “Did Tay say something?”

I sighed. “She said I spend way too much time with Jack. He’s my best friend, she knows that.”

“What else did she say?”

I pondered if he should tell Tony Tay thought Jack was gay. Did Tony think Jack was gay? Did the rest of the guys think Jack was gay?

“Nothing.” I lied.

“Well, he is your best friend. At the end of the day, isn't he the one that matters most?”

“Of course.” I immediately replied.

“Good. Because really, he is all that should matter.”

“You know, for someone that doesn't say much, you sure know what to say when needed.”

“That's what I'm here for.”

…

I hummed to the tune of Blink’s First Date, as Jack and I lay on his bed side by side by side by side. Jack seemed to be deep in thought about something.

“You’re my best friend, right?” Jack asked me, sitting up and looking down at me while he rested his back on the headboard of his bed.

“’Course.” I replied.

“And if I told you something you wouldn’t tell anyone, right?”

“I don’t like it when you’re serious.” I replied.

“Alex, seriously. I really don’t know what telling you do this will do to our friendship. But you’re the one person I really trust, and I need to tell somebody this.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my forehead on his thigh. “You can tell me anything.”

He was very tense in my hold. That was strange since this usually relaxed him.

I really didn’t like this serious Jack. I sat up and crossed my legs. “So what is it?”

He had bent his knees and had his arms wrapped around his legs. He wasn’t looking at me and his response was inaudible.

“I didn’t get that.” I said, brushing his hair out of his face and forced him to look at me.

He took a deep breath, and honestly looked terrified with what he wanted to tell me. “I think I… I think I might…” He trailed off.

“Jack?”

“I’m gay.” He quickly looked away from me, tightening his grip on his legs. I was surprised honestly. We’d known each other since we were kids and he’d never even hinted at it. Of course, there was nothing wrong with it.

I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Jack, it’s okay.”

“It is?” he asked and I nodded.

“Of course it is.” I said, wrapping my arms around him and nuzzling into his shoulder. “You could be into fucking burritos for all I care. You’d still be my best friend.”

I felt his hand run through my hair and even though I couldn’t see his face, I could tell he was smiling at me. “Thanks, Lex.”

“Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me.” I mumbled.

“Things aren’t going to be weird between us, right? Like, you won’t stop doing all those things, like hugging and kissing my cheek because you know I’m gay now?” He sounded nervous.

“You’re an idiot.” I laughed. I sat up and left a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “There, see.”

He smiled at me. “Just, thank you so much.” He mumbled.

...

A week had passed since Jack came out to me. Nothing had changed between us. We were still snugly, still spent time alone, and in a way we’d gotten a lot closer with each other. We were already close to begin with, but somehow that weight off his shoulders got us a lot closer.

He hadn’t come out to anyone else in our group. We’d always been closer than with the others in the group and I knew he wasn’t ready to come out to anyone else.

I was currently cuddling with Tay while watching a movie. A blanket was wrapped around us and I was holding her.

“So,” she said and I looked away from the TV and down at her. “It’s been a while since we’d been like this.”

“Mhm.” I replied.

“You’ve spent a lot of time with Jack.”

I resisted the urge to role my eyes. “Are we really talking about this again?”

“It’s just, I’m really sure he’s gay.”

“And would that me a problem?” I asked, pushing her off of me.

“No, but if he is, I just wouldn’t feel comfortable–“

“Out.” I cut her off.

“What?” she asked, surprised.

“You can’t tell me who I can and cannot hang out with. So get out, we’re done.”

She shook her head. “You’re being crazy.”

“He’s my best friend. Has been for years. I’m not going to drop him as a friend just because you think he’s gay. And even if he is gay, who gives a fuck? I wouldn’t act any differently around him.”

“You’re seriously breaking up with me over this?” she looked pretty mad, but I honestly didn’t care anymore.

“Yes.” I said firmly. “Get out!”

She glared at me, but she left, my glare not leaving my face.

…

“I can’t believe you actually broke up with her.” Jack mumbled.

An hour had passed and Jack and I are lying next to each other opposite ways, our heads meeting in the middle.

“Meh, I just kind of stopped liking her.” I said honestly. She’d been getting on my nerves a lot lately.

“Mhm.” He replied, nudging my cheek with his nose.

“So, any guys you like?” I asked. I figured talking to him like his sexuality wasn’t a big deal would help him get more comfortable with it.

“Is this your way of being supportive?” he asked, smirking at me.

“Just trying to make conversation.” I replied.

He shrugged. “No, no guys I like. I’ve honestly never kissed one either.”

“Oh, you poor thing.” I said jokingly.

“Suck my dick.” He shot back.

“Well if you insist.” And we burst into laughter. When we calmed down, he smiled at me. There was something in his eyes; I couldn’t really tell what it was but he was giving a look I don’t think he’d ever given me before. He licked his top lip and bit his lip.

“So, you said you never kissed a guy?” I asked,

“No, I’m still coming to terms with the whole being into dudes thing. I’ve known for ages though. And I honestly haven’t really kissed anyone.”

“What about Sydney Sierota?” I pointed out.

“In 7th grade for spin the bottle. That doesn’t really count. And I think that’s when I knew I was gay, or at least definitely not into girls. I haven’t kissed anyone else since though, and you know, being seventeen it’d be a little embarrassing that the first time I do make out with a guy I suck at it.”

I nodded in understanding. “Well, maybe you're overreacting a little. Sure the guy would understand, considering you're barely out.”

“Hm, I guess.” He mumbled.

“You gonna tell anyone else? That you're gay?” I asked.

“Maybe May and Joe soon, I don't know. I do trust them not to tell my parents, and I know they won't care. But it's still hard. It's dumb, I know.”

“Come out when you're ready.” I told him. “But nowadays most people won't care.”

“I know. Like, I know most people don't and won't care. But at the same time, I don't know how people will react. I knew you wouldn't care, but I was terrified you would get weird on me. Like, things like this,” he gestured between us. “Would stop. Because you're my best friend, and I care about you so much.”

“Well, I can promise I won't get weird on you.” I told him. “I care about you too.”

“I know.” he said, a smile growing on his lips.

…

“You actually broke up with her?” Jess asked, surprised.

“Just didn’t like her that much anymore.” I shrugged, taking a bite of my food.

“Did she say anything to, you know, make you not like her anymore?” Erin asked.

Well, obviously she did. I did breakup with her because of what she said about Jack, but I knew I couldn’t tell them that.

“Nope.” I said, shaking my head.

“Anyway,” Brian chimed in. “Guess who I heard through the grapevine likes you, Jack?”

“Who?” Jack and I ask in unison.

Brian glanced at me, probably confused as to why I asked who too, and I kind of was too, but seemingly decided to drop it. “Jenna McDougall.” He replied.

“Uh, she’s not my type.” Jack shrugged, popping a French fry into his mouth.

I almost snort at ‘not my type'; yeah far from his type.

“You say that about every girl I try to set you up with. Hayley, Cassadee, Valerie – all of whom now have a boyfriend.” Brian said with annoyance in his voice.

“There just aren’t any girls I like.” He shrugged.

“Well, Beau is throwing a party tonight and I’ll get you a girl to make out.” Brian said.

“Not everything is about making out with girls.” I said.

“Never said it was.”

I glanced at Jack and I could tell he was uncomfortable. He was good at hiding it but since I’d known him a lot longer than the others I could tell the difference.

“Look, maybe I just don’t care about making out with some random girl. Thanks for the offer though.”

Brian rolled his eyes but didn’t push it anymore.

…

When we arrived to the party it was already in full swing. Most people in our class were here and some other people from other year levels or schools. Beau had a really big house and parents that were out of town a lot, so him throwing a party was a regular thing.

Right now, I was playing beer pong with Jack against two other guys in our class, Calum and Ashton.

Ashton threw the pingpong ball, it landing in a cup. Ashton whooped as he high fived Calum.

“Drink up, Barakat!” Ashton called. Jack gladly drank. He was a fan of his alcohol, and was a lot better than me at keeping it down.

He exhaled grinning, placing the red plastic cup back onto the table. “Delicious.”

We continued playing, deciding it was time to stop when Ashton vomited on Calum's shoes, much to Calum's disgust and my and Jack's amusement.

“Fucking disgusting!” Calum said, scrunching his nose.

“If you can't keep down you booze, don't drink it dude!” Jack said when he stopped laughing.

Ashton groaned. “I need to sit down.” he muttered and went to the living room to find space on the couch to sit on.

“Well I guess my shoes are ruined.” Calum said, kicking vomit off his shoes, sighing.

“Sucks dude.” I said.

He went off to clean up leaving Jack and me alone.

“Want to finish off the rest of the booze?” he asked. There were a few cups left, and I only felt tipsy, but I was driving so a shook my head.

“No, but enjoy.”

“Okay, make sure I don't do anything stupid.” he said, taking a big gulp from the red plastic cup, a satisfied exhale leaving his lips.

“Well have fun. Just make sure I won't have to drag your drunk ass home.”

He gave me a snarky look and I left to let him drink up.

About an hour later Brian texted me asking if Jack was with me. I replied that I hadn't seen him in an hour, and that made me nervous. Jack tended to get really drunk, so I quickly texted him. I waited a few minutes and there was no reply.

“Shit.” I muttered. I didn't know my way around the house too well, so I opted for asking around. People said they hadn't seen him so I went up stairs to look more. I saw a door open and I saw a guy I recognised as Zack Merrick step out. I caught his gaze and he slipped his hands in his pockets walking right past me.

I raised my eyebrow at him and I continued walking, only to see the door open again and I saw Jack stumbling out of the room, obviously drunk.

“Jack?” I asked.

He smiled drunkenly at me. “Hey, Lexi.” he hiccuped out. He didn't call me Lexi that much. Usually when we were hanging out alone.

“What'd you do?” I asked, stepping closer to him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders.

“I made out a little with him.” he slurred, tiredly. “You said you would make sure I wouldn't do anything stupid.” He pouted, sticking his tongue out at me.

“Zack isn't horrible looking.” I said.

“I didn't want the first time I make out with a guy to be when I was drunk.” he groaned. “Oh god, what if he tells everyone?” he asked in a panicky tone.

“Why would he do that?” I asked.

“He might. Oh god, he's going to out me, Lexi.”

I squeezed his shoulder. “No he's not.” I assured.

He pouted. “What if he does?”

“Then I'll get Brian and Tony to help beat him up.” I said, smiling.

He laughed. Harder than he probably would have sober. I had to support him, which was difficult since he had those two inches on me. When he calmed down, he buried his head into my neck. “You're such a good friend.” he mumbled. “The bestest.”

“You want to you home?” I asked. “You're pretty drunk.”

“No.” he groaned, dragging out the 'o'. “I wanna stay.”

“You're drunk though.” I replied.

“My mom will kill me though.” he whined.

“Then how about you spend the night at my place?” I suggested.

I felt him smile against my skin. “I'd like that.” he mumbled, wrapping his arms around my hips.

“C'mon buddy.” I said, supporting his weight as I dragged him down the stairs.

“Lexi, I'm gonna fall.” he slurred.

“I got you, promise.” I said. “I'll just let one of the guys know we're leaving, okay?”

“Mhm.” he mumbled.

I let go of his waist and he took a step forward only to nearly fall to the ground. I quickly wrapped my arms around him from behind to catch him. “Uh, I'll make sure to keep hold of you.” I said.

He let out a shaky breath. “Thanks.” he breathed.

I then realised how close we were. We'd been close before, but I was very aware of the position, most notably my crotch pressing firmly against his ass. Maybe it's how he reacted, maybe it's because we were in front of a lot of people from school, maybe it's because he's deep in the closet, maybe it was a reason I couldn't explain, but I jumped away. Not a casual movement, more of a flinch back.

“Come on, I think Brian was in the living room.” he nodded in response, looking slightly flustered.

“Right. Uh, I think I'll be okay walking on my own,” he said. I didn't argue, just walked to the living room with Jack stumbling behind me. I spotted Brian talking to a girl and I walked over to him.

“Hey, Bri.” I said getting his attention. “Jack drunk, so I'm taking him home.”

He nodded. “Drive safe.”

I nodded and turned back to Jack. “C'mon, buddy.” I said and he nodded, and we left the house.

“How do you feel?” I asked him.

“Drunk.” he mumbled.

“Do you think you're gonna puke?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I just need to sleep.” he said.

“Well I'll get you home nice and safe.” I said.

I took a few more steps, a moment later I felt him wrap his around me.

“Need help walking?” I asked.

“Yes.” he groaned.

“What happened to being able to walk on your own?” I teased, wrapping my arms around him as I looked for my car.

“Shut up.” he mumbled. “Just take me to your bed.”

“You know I don't have sex on the first date!” I joked.

He didn't reply. No snappy comeback. No snarky comment. He just rested his head on my shoulder, his breathing peaceful.

…

Luckily my parents were asleep when I got home. I practically carried Jack upstairs to my room. We collapsed on my bed, side by side.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“Tired.” he said. He smiled at me. “Hey, Lexi?”

“Yeah?” I asked

“It's just, thank you for everything. I really couldn't ask for a better best friend.”

I smiled at him and kissed his forehead, sighing contently. He looked back at me, contemplating me for a moment. His eyes drifted to my lips for a moment, before going back to my eyes. Then he did something that surprised me. He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me. Oh god, he was going to kiss me. He was so close I could feel his breath on my face and my heartbeat increase. And I almost leaned forward to him.

“We should sleep.” I said, when he was a few centimeters from my lips, so close I could practically feel them touching.

He moved away, and he looked like he just realised was he was about to do. “Uh, yeah. We should.”

“Good night.” I said.

“Night.”

…

I woke up with a slight headache. I didn't drink much but it was enough to make me a little hungover. I knew Jack would have a really bad hangover.

Jack.

His arms were wrapped around my waist and his face was buried into my neck. His breathing was even, still sound asleep.

He tried to kiss me. An actual kiss. And a part of me wanted to kiss him, but I blamed that on the alcohol.

Yeah, it was the alcohol.

It was probably an affect of the alcohol on him too. And the fact he's gay, and there's only so much on can take of being so close to someone. I just have to hope he's okay.

I felt him stir and exhale. “You awake?” he mumbled.

“Yeah.” I said. He loosened his grip on me and turned around. He was quiet. “How your hangover?” I asked,

“Bad.” he mumbled. “My head is killing me.”

“You want aspirin?” I asked him.

“You're thinking about last night, aren't you?”

I was a little caught off guard by his question. I didn't reply, deciding to let my silence be my answer.

“Oh god.” he groaned. “I'm so, so, sorry, Alex.” he was still facing away from me.

“It's okay.” I replied, sitting up. “You were drunk.”

“No, it's not okay.” he sobbed out.

“Jay?” I asked, resting my hand on his shoulder.

“I'm so, so, sorry.” He still wasn't looking at me.

“Jay, it was just an almost kiss. You were drunk, and we were really close that night. I can understand that.”

“No, you don't. You're going to hate me.”

“Jack, nothing you could do or say will make me hate you.” I said.

He sighed. He rolled over looking up at me, tears staining his face. “I'm in love with you, Alex. I have been for so long.”

My mouth fell open. I stared at him and he looked absolutely terrified and sorry. What do I say? What can I say?

He sat up. He sniffed, wiping the tears from his face. “I'll leave.” he said.

I bit my lips. I wanted to tell him it's okay. I wanted to tell him it was okay. But I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

My best friend was in love with me.

“See you at school. And thanks for letting me spend the night.”

He sat on my bed for a moment, as if waiting for me so say something. Something, something inside of me was screaming at me to kiss him. And I was surprised that I almost did.

He sighed, got off my bed and left my room.

…

Jack didn't talk to me for the rest of the weekend. I tried texting him to see if he was okay but he never replied. I was really worried out of him, he told me he loved and I didn't say anything back. What am I supposed to do? To top it off I was starting to question a lot of things. Or at least realise I was. My feelings for him, my sexuality. I was pretty sure I was straight, but there's something about Jack. There's always been something about Jack. He always came first. All my past girlfriends came second to him. And he meant so much to me. I cared about him more than anyone. But I always thought that's because he's my best friend. He is my best friend. And I do love him. Just... not in that way.

I think.

No, he's my best friend. Nothing more. Despite what he feels...

I got to school and went to where I usually met my friends. This will be my first time I'd be seeing Jack since he told me he loved me.

I saw Jess and went up to her. “Hey, Je-”

“You asshole!” she snapped.

“What?” I asked, confused.

She slapped my arm. “You.” Slap. “Fucking.” Slap. “Asshole.” Slap. Slap. “Jack told me what he told you.” she said, in a lower voice.

I was caught off guard by that. “So you know that he's...”

“Yes. He called me crying and to come over. Told me everything.” she was glaring at me.

“I just... I didn't know to say.”

“Well I spent the weekend comforting him.” she said, crossing her arms.

I blew my hair out of my face. “I tried calling him and I texted him so many times. He wouldn't answer.”

“He obviously feels awful because you didn't say it back. He was probably terrified he was going to ruin your friendship.”

“I do care about him though. Like, I care about him so much.” I sighed, defeated.

“He's terrified of coming out, y'know.”

“I know. And you would understand.” I agreed. “I keep telling him it won't be too bad. No one will care.”

“He knows no one will care. But there are still assholes out there.” she said quietly.

I bit my lip. “I don't feel about him that way.” I said. “I... think.”

Her eyes shot up back to me. “You think?” she almost sounded excited.

I was a little caught off guard again. “Well, I do care about him. And him telling me how he felt has really gotten me thinking.”

“Alex, I've been waiting for you two to get your heads out of your asses and realise how you felt about each other for years.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.

“Anyone with eyes can tell you two care about each other a lot. And when I first met you guys I thought you were boyfriends. I'm pretty sure half out class did. And still does” she explained.

I was at a loss of words. Was she really suggesting I'd been in love with Jack this whole time? Was I really thinking she might be right?

I licked my top lip. “Just, what if we fuck it up?”

“He's already heartbroken you didn't say anything back. That'll probably ruin your friendship, not being in a relationship where you already care about each other and know everything about each other.”

I took a deep breath. “I'll talk to him.”

She grinned. “That's my guy.”

…

I didn't get a chance to talk to Jack today. We didn't get a chance alone all day. I tried catching his gaze during lunch but he didn't look at me once.

I was walking to Biology, meeting Tony half way. “Okay, what's up with you and Jack.” he asked when me met.

“I have no clue what you're talking about.” I said innocently.

“Dude, Jack wouldn't even look at you during lunch. What happened?” he pushed. Tony was the quiet type, so it was surprising to see him pushing this hard.

I sighed. “I can't tell you.” I said.

“Why?” he asked, frustrated.

“I'd be a bad friend I did.” I said quietly, clutching the heavy text book to my chest.

He looked at me, confusion flashing in his eyes. “What did he say?”

I scratched the back of my neck. “If I told you, I'd be breaking a promise.”

He blinked at me. “I think I know what it is, but I won't say it out loud. Either because I'm wrong, or because it's something Jack really wants to keep secret.”

“It's what you think it is.” I said quietly, looking down.

He nodded. “I know. Known for a long time.”

“Do the others?” I asked.

“Yeah. We've kind of been waiting.” he said honestly.

“Just don't tell the others. Jess knows though. Jack told her.”

He nodded and the conversation ended when we got to the classroom.

…

I saw Jack walking out of school but he wasn't alone.

He was with Zack.

“Jack!” I called, jogging up to him. He and Zack turned and Jack looked far from happy to see me.

“What?” he asked, bitterness in his voice. It was like a slap in the face.

“Can we talk?” I asked looking at him desperately.

His face was impassive, then he turned to Zack. “Wait for me at your car.” he told him. Zack looked hesitant but nodded, walking to the parking lot.

“What?” he asked,

“Well, first why are you hanging out with Zack?”

He shuffled on his feet. “Uh, he asked me to hang out.”

“Oh.” I said licking my lips. “I thought you said it was stupid making out with him.”

He shrugged. “He's a guy. He's hot. He's paying attention.”

I looked down at the ground. “Can we seriously talk about this? I do care about you, like a lot.”

“I know.” he said quietly. “But I know you don't love me like that.”

I think I might. Those were the words I wanted so desperately to come out of my mouth. But they wouldn't. There was a lump in my throat and I'd lost control of my breathing.

“I do love you though.” he whispered. “But since I know you don't feel that way, not just about me but about guys, I figured I'd just move on and not ruin this friendship. I know it won't be the same, but I just want us to still be best friends.”

I swallowed the lump. “Jack, you are my best friend. You always will be. Your feelings don't change that.”

“Aren't you curious how long I've known?” he looked like he was holding back tears. Oh god, the last thing I needed was him to cry, because that'd make me cry. He took a deep breath. “It's honestly been since Freshmen year. That's how long I've known. I've loved you for years though.”

I rubbed my forearm. “I'm really confused right now.” I finally get out. “About a lot of things. About how I feel about you.”

He bit his lip. “I can't wait, Lex. I don't want to be lead on. I don't care if I get a relationship from Zack, or a blowjob. He's here though. So think about how you feel, but I can't guarantee I'll be waiting.”

I chewed the inside of my cheek.

“See you around.” he muttered, walking back to Zack.

And for the first time I understood the phrase, heartbroken.

…

“Since when were you and Zack Merrick friends?” Brian asked Jack.

Jack looked up from his spot on the couch. “We've just been hanging out a bit.” he said.

Jess caught my gaze. Jack probably told her. Probably told her what I told him. Or I was overthinking. One of those two.

“So what do you guys want to watch?” Brian asked. “I mean, that isn't Home Alone or Star Wars.”

“Asshole.” Jack, Tony, and Erin muttered in unison, causing me to snort.

“How about Perks of Being a Wallflower?” I suggested.

No one complained which was pretty much an agreement to us. It got to the scene where Charlie walks in on Patrick kissing another guy. I glance at Jack and he shifts uncomfortably. Brian noticed too. “You okay dude?”

He bit his lip. “Uh, I kind of need to tell you guys something.”

My mouth dropped open. Was he seriously going to come out to everyone?

“What is it?” Erin asked, her head lifting from Tony's shoulder.

He chewed his lip. “Uh, Zack and I aren't exactly friends.”

The room goes silent and I looked over at Jess, who was surprised at his words too.

“Oh, so you're gay?” Brian asked, not sounding at all surprised.

“Yeah... why don't you sound surprised?” he asked.

“I mean, I had suspensions. But it's your business, and it doesn't matter.” Brian assured.

“Yeah.” interjects Erin. “Who gives a fuck? You were gay all along, we just know now.”

Tony just nodded and smiled. He and the others already knew, but I was glad he didn't tell Jack I indirectly confirmed it to him. And the last thing I needed was Jack knowing Tony was another person that knew how he felt about me.

“Are we the first people you've told?” Brian asked.

“No, yesterday I told my family. They were cool with it. And I told Jess about a week ago and Alex about two months ago.”

“Why Jess before us? Alex I get but why Jess?” Brian asked in a slight annoyed tone.

“It's my privileged as a lesbian.” Jess say jokingly and shrugs and we all laugh.

“But it's seriously okay.” Tony added. “You're still the same old Jack.”

Jack grinned. “You guys are the best.”

I smiled at him and he caught my gaze. For the first time all week, he returned the smile.

…

I found Jack crying.

It was at another one of Beau's parties. He was sitting against the side of the staircase, his forehead resting on his knees.

I rushed over to him, kneeling to his side. “Jack, what happened?” I asked.

He looked up at me. “I had sex with him.” he said, his voice breaking. “And then he left.” he bit his lip.

“Jack...” I began, but I didn't know what to say. There was nothing I could say.

“I thought I'd get over you that way.” He said, looking away from me. “I thought having sex with him, actual sex, I'd stop loving you. Well, it didn't work and I lost my virginity to an asshole.”

Anger coursed through my veins. “I'm gonna tear his fucking throat out.” I said through gritted teeth.

He looked back at me, surprised. “No, don't.” he said. “It's not a big deal.”

“Yes it is.” I said. “That asshole left you after you did something that should be for someone special. That's not right.” And before he could stop me, I stood up and stormed over to the living room, looking for Zack.

I heard Jack call my name over the music but I was determined to find that asshole. I saw him talking to his friend Rian, stormed right up to him and punched him square in the face.

“What the fuck, dude?” he asked when he recovered while Rian sat next to him with his mouth hanging open.

“That's what you get for fucking and leaving my best friend.” I shouted louder than I planned. I felt people watching us.

A smirk grew on his face. “Really? You came here to punch me for that? Are you sure you're not mad it wasn't you who did it first?” he smirked at me. I suddenly felt sick, the colour in my face draining away. “Oh don't give me that shit. Everyone knows you've had a thing for each other for years.”

I was at a loss of words. The rage I felt... I was in love with him. Yes, I was definitely in love with him, and I was too stupid to realise it sooner.

I spun on my heel to see Jack standing at the doorway. I walked right over to him and I kissed him. I kissed him over and over again and he kissed me back.

I felt content. This felt right. Me gripping his hips and his hands in my hair. I realised we should've been doing this a long time ago.

I pulled away, very aware of the people looking at us but didn't find reason to care. Jack was grinning at me, eyes sparkling. “I love you too.” I said, and pulled him back into another kiss.


End file.
